Finally done everything and settled down. Just had my dinner and finish my rj. And its time to blog. I was thinking of blogging when I was on the bus just now. I was on my way home and feeling tired and disappointed with myself. Due to the ut I had just went through today, I find myself very slow in solving problems. It looks like I need more time to think than others and this have been proven over the uts.

I don’t know why but I feel that I have been lazy with my studies and I no longer do well as how I did last year. Even though the results are not out yet but I can predict what my results will be. I feel that my life now is different from last year. I am no longer that carefree anymore. Maybe its because I got a lot more things to handle now and thus affect my studies?

1.I am a committee in wushu now. 2. Studies become harder than last year. 3.Girlfriend is in my school now and thus I got to know how to handle my time since I wont be enjoying myself like how I did. 4.Got to work during the weekends while I don’t use to. 5.My sleep is getting lesser and lesser because whenever I close my eyes before going to bed, a lot of things comes into my mind and therefore, it keep working and not shutting down.

I realized my temper is worse now. My attitude and character is changing. My way of doing things and treating people is changing. And its because, I am stress. And I think the major reason that cause me to change is school? I don’t know. Life seems to become more and more stressful to me whenever I open my eyes in the morning. Besides having that sentence “its another day” in my mind when I wake up, there is another sentence following up too. “sian, its another torturing day again”.

Dear often call me when I am sleeping and I ended up scolding her. Firstly because I hate being waken up when I am sleeping. No matter is by human or noise. Once I get disturb from sleep, I get very hot tempered when I wake up. And people who approach me are like courting death. Secondly, whenever dear call me, she ask me questions and make me feel very fed up because it activates my brain again and its seriously very irritating. That’s why I always get very pissed off by her. Come on, I need a break from all this stuff. Yes. I am complaining now because I had enough. I wanna end this. I haven’t been enjoying my life since don’t know when.

The ut today make me feel that its time to put down everything and get back to work. Its time for me to do what I should do. Its time for me to reflect on why I am here in rp. Not to play, not to get torture by people around me, not to learn wushu. But to STUDY. Because while I was reflecting in the bust just now, I realized that there are so many people stronger than me now in the school. And if I don’t pull up my fucking socks, people are going to cover me with their GPA and that really sucks. So from now on, I will concentrate. That’s all peeps. I believe its long enough because there are only words.